Fungal Boogie Lyrics
I just like morels too much words and music by Zoe Wood I cant seem to give em up I just like morels too much I like other ‘shrooms and such But I just like morels too much Oyster mushrooms mighty fine Seafood and some nice white wine Chanterelles’re tasty too In a Wild mushroom ragout Storebought shrooms can be a crutch but I just like morels too much Grab yer compass, grab yer knife When Lilacs bloom there coming ripe Where fires burn they can be plucked The best nontimber forest product By the pound or by the bunch I just like morels too much Cook em up fry em down I like em when they’re nice ‘n brown Pick all day and when I’m done Ill cook ‘em up and eat a ton Quite the culinary rep The black morel, Angusticep Yellow Morchella Esculenta Dresses up your fried polenta Taste of Greys just cant be touched and I just like morels too much I just like morels too much I just like morels too much I just like morels too much King Alfred’s Cakes words by Larry Evans music arranged by Zoe Wood Daldinia concentrica, King Alfred’s cakes Here is the cure for your muscle aches They’re shiny and inedible and colored coal black But they’re certain to stop any spasm attack. I don’t know much about old King Alfred, He wasn’t a history maker But judging by the cakes he left He sure wasn’t much of a baker King Alfred’s cakes are Hard and they’re round, a Blacker mushroom will never be found They grow on dead oak that lays on the ground Its Concentric rings are Black and then brown I don’t know much about old King Alfred, He wasn’t a history maker But judging by the cakes he left He sure wasn’t much of a baker Daldinia concentrica, King Alfred’s cakes if you have cramps this is what to take Don’t bake em or boil em or grind um down Just put em in your pocket and carry them around I don’t know much about old King Alfred, He wasn’t a history maker But judging by the cakes he left He sure wasn’t much of a baker Pink Bottom Blues words by Larry Evans, arranged by Zoe Wood Agaricus the mushroom we call the pink bottom It grows in caves in France where they call it the Champignon Agaricus the Edible delectable and fine Augustus and Campesteris are simply Divine Agaricus the genus is 200 species strong but Eat one with a yellow stem You won’t feel good for long. Agaricus! Hang on friend Lemme give ya the news Eat that, you’ll get the Pink Bottom Blues Agaricus bisoporus the supermarket ‘shroom In serilized horse manure the button mushroom blooms Agaricus, agaricus their gills are Always free If you find some that are not Please don’t feed them to me Pink bottom Agaricus Prettier than most But how many of your favorite foods grow in old compost? Agaricus! Hang on friend Lemme give ya the news Eat that, you’ll get the Pink Bottom Blues Some are edible some are not Its Best to know just what you got. Mushrooms pop up overnite You gotta get your ID right Get it Right, get it neat Or spend your day on the toilet seat Agaricus! All a these Agaricus look like food to me But If it smells like creosote you better let it be Agaricus Agaricus So much alike they look Peope eat em and get sick and Buy more mushroom books Xanthoderma and hondensis look mighty tasty, too But make a dinner out of them And you’ll get the Pink Bottom Blues Hang on friend Lemme give ya the news Eat that, you’ll get the Pink Bottom Blues! (repeat) Russula Lets all sing about the pretty Russula Fine summer mushroom you can pick a busshela So delicious people make a big fussova The summer mushroom we call Russula Russulas have a fat white stalk That snaps in half just like chalk Mycorrhizal on the ground They throw white spores all around Lets all sing about the pretty Russula Fine summer mushroom you can pick a busshela So delicious people make a big fussova The summer mushroom we call Russula Now some Russulas are hot as a pepper But the Russians learned how to make them better A soak in cold water overnight takes away most of their bite Lets all sing about the pretty Russula Fine summer mushroom you can pick a busshela So delicious people make a big fussova The summer mushroom we call Russula Now theres a lot of Russulas And some are good to eat But Man, identifying them Is really quite a feat Russula brevipes they call the Duff Humper But it is OK when its fried in butter Green top Russula ok sa den tal iss (occidentalis) Not a toadstool but an insect palace… Lets sing about the pretty Russula Fine summer mushroom you can pick a busshela So delicious people make a big fussova The summer mushroom we call Russula Russula xerampelina nothing could be any finer Than to have shrimp Russulas Tonite for dinner Lets alll sing about the pretty Russula Fine summer mushrooms you can always pick a busshela So delicious people make a big fussova The summer mushroom we call Russula. Get Some Mycology words and music by Aaron Coffin Darling you know I warned you Not to eat that mushroom Might want to reconsider Might not be good for you But you went ahead and ate em Now Look at the shape you’re in you got a queasy tummy and a nasty disposition Before you eat a mushroom Know the real one from the fake Might need to do the spore print Before you shake n bake You need to check the gills And look for the tell tale signs But you went ahead and ate it, Now you don’t feel so fine That Gyromitra might have really caught your eye And the Scleroderma citrina sez, “hey gimme a try!” Ptycoverpa bohemica will beckon with its look But before you fry them up You better check your reference book Its Good to get acquained with the local wild fungi Cook up a gourmet meal Or even get real high. But your Gotta know when to hold em And when to let them be So before you go mushroom hunting Better get yourself some Mycology! Fly Agaric! words by Larry Evans, music by Zoe Wood, cello Lee Zimmerman Tell ya my friend There’s nothing scarier Than the buzz of Amanita muscaria Red cap has a history of rituals and mystery Fly agaric Fly agaric What the heck’s a fly agaric? Fly Agaric, fly agaric Amanita muscaria, the Fly agaric! Santa’s costumes red and white-a like that flying Amanit-a You may wonder, but Santa knows why All those silly reindeer fly Fly agaric Fly agaric Make those reindeer fly Agaric! Fly agaric Fly agaric Amanita muscaria the Fly agaric! Red caps and milk or even water Works better than an old fly swatter Flies will land and take a sip Stop their buzzing and start to twitch! Fly agaric Fly agaric Stop those buzzing flies agaric Fly agaric Fly agaric Muxhamor the Fly agaric! Russians call it Muxhamor, It’s a room without a door If you eat just three or four You won’t recall who you were before Fly agaric Fly agaric Who the heck am I Agaric? Muxhamor, the Fly agaric! Fly agaric Fly agaric Muxhamor the Fly agaric! Muxhamor, Muxhamor Muxhamor, Muxhamor Muxhamor, Muxhamor, Muxhamor Collybia words by Larry Evans, traditional Collybia, Collybia, Have you seen Collybia! She lives on the forest floor Her stem's cartaliginous And she is in dig enous To 30 states or more..... Sometimes she has a brown cap Sometimes its white Sometimes it tan, or Pink Sometimes shes in clusters (We say she's cespitose!) And sometimes she certainly Stinks. She's a wood decomposer And everyone that knows her Says that her gills are adnate Small and forgettable, She's not really edible, And as food she just doesn't rate. Collybia dryophilla, Collybia dryophilla, They call her the weeeed of the woooods, She grows on detritus. Eats crud day and night-us And always leaves white spores on wood. But Collybia's indiscriminate, and many feel its immanent, She'll soon be 3 genera, or more. There's few that look for her Few that study her and So very fewer that knowerrrrrrr. Fe Fi Pholiota words by Larry Evans music by Zoe Wood I went out a walking With my faithful dog Saw a big yella Pholiota Growing on a log I said fe fi Pholiota Free food hey what a deal! Fe fi Pholiota Reckon it’ll make a good meal Someone’s cooking up a Pholiota Frying it in butter I can tell Someone’s cooking up a Pholiota Nothing else has that smell! And I say Fe Fi Pholiota Never gonna eat em again! Fe Fi Pholiota Never gonna eat em again Some Pholiotas are big ones Other ones are small Some of them are good to eat Some are not at all Fe Fi Pholiota Never gonna eat em again! Fe Fi Pholiota Never gonna eat em again Several hundred species Pholiota Several hundred species I know. Several hunnered species in the genus Phliota Alexander Smith says so (and he wrote the book!) Fe Fi Pholiota Never gonna eat em again! Fe Fi Pholiota Never gonna eat em again (optional verse) I woke up in the morning I was feeling bad I went to the toilet And I gave it all I had Bolete Polka (TOO MANY BOLETES) words by L. Evans & Z. Wood
TOO MANY BOLETES TOO MANY BOLETES TO EAT! (Refrain) They cant be grown in culture ONLY IN THE WILD To find a lunch of Boletes Youll walk many a mile Tastier than anything you’ve eaten in a while BIG OL BAG OF BOLETES BOUND TO MAKE YOU SMILE I LOVE BOLETES BUT EVERYONE LOVES BOLETES So I get no BOLETES TO EAT I LOVE BOLETES BUT EVERYONE LOVES BOLETES
So theres no Boletes for ME (Chorus) Cook em up with butter Or a little white wine Make Bolete rissotto It is soo fine Cream o bolete soup Really quite a treat Nothing you can do to em that Makes em bad to eat
REPEAT Chorus Germans call it Steinpiltz The French have named it Cep Russians say its Byelee greeb And the Italians say Porcini Porcini porcini porcini We love to eat Porcini porcini porcini (repeat) One day I was lost in the woods found a patch of Boletes that was just too good Every where I tried to step Was taken by a big brown Cep! REFRAIN A hundred boletes or maybe more, The mushroom hunters bonanza galore I Didn’t have a bucket or even a sack So I took em home in the shirt off my back REFRAIN I ate so many boletes I couldn’t keep my feet I sat down and rested on a big bolete when I woke up later by a mountain stream I realized it was all just a dream REPEAT Chorus Psathyrella words by Larry Evans, traditional tune (duet) Psathyrella, lovely Psathyrella Tell me what you’re like do you have a Hollow stem Yes I have a hollow stem Hollow stem Lots of them Psathyrella Psathyrella, lovely Psathyrella Tell me how you grow do you grow in groups and clumps? Groups and clumps on buried stumps Buried wood very good Hollow stem Lots of them Psathyrella…. Psathyrella, lovely Psathyrella Tell me what you’re like Do you have the Brittle flesh Especially when Im very fresh Brittle flesh very fresh Dark brown gills In the hills Psathyrella, lovely Psathyrella Are you good to eat? Like the taste of dirty tea? NO! Then you’d better not try me! Dirty tea don’t try me Dark brown gills In the hills Brittle flesh Very fresh Buried wood Very good Groups and clumps Rotten stumps Hollow stem Lots of them Gray or tan or sometimes Yellow Its your friend the Psathyrella…. And you don’t eat your friends, do you? No… NAEMATOLOMA words L. Evans, Todd Osmundson, arranged by Zoe Wood Saw some funny lemon yella clumps of little fungal fellas growing on a log and I knew-a had a Naematoloma... Sulfur tufts or conifer tufts There’s two kinds to know-a Wherever you roam-a in search of Naematoloma Used to be called Hypholoma but they couldn’t leave it alone-a they changed the name to Naematoloma, Then back to Hypho-lo-ma Nuf to make a mycologist groan-a CHORUS Oh, Naematoloma! Used to be Hypholoma they couldn’t leave it alone-a Naematoloma Capnoides is some tasty fun-a You really can’t just eat one-a I can swallow a whole tonn-a Delicious Capnoides, Naematoloma Delicious over pasta A plateful will do ya, Unless they turn blue-a cuz then its nota Naematoloma CHORUS But watch out where the yellow mushrooms grow Cause there’s also a poisonous Naematolo-----ma Fas-sic-you-laree Its yellow and scary It has olive green gills and will make you so Ill, So listen up and be wary Naematoloma fas-sic-you-laree If you eat this Naematoloma It will put a bad aroma in the smallest room in your home-a Pick your friends carefully Naematoloma Stinkhorn Lowdown words by Larry Evans, music by Zoe Wood Hello mushroom hotline? my name is John Ive got something funny that’s a growing in my lawn Its growing on a buried stick it looks like the head of a pr*** And it has a smell that’s about to make me sick It smells like rotten meat Or maybe dirty feet You’d never think its something you could eat. Oh John I kid you not A Stinkhorn is what you got It grows underground and helps your tree stump rot Well it pops up overnite And all the flies delight In licking off the slimy goo on top And its bound to gross you out But when they fly about Those insects leave spores everywhere they stop! CHORUS Phallus impudicus It has a slime of green And if you mix it with Vaseline The Romanians say it makes a fine face cream. Never mind the smell, or the nasty green yick The stink horn is edible just fry it up real quick Now this is true, Im not trying to make you sick But life is so much stranger than you think! Silly Sided Mushrooms words by Larry Evans, music by Zoe Wood Holey moley Yaddy yaddy Everybody’s ready to party When you’ve got those silly sided mushrooms Everything is looking funny Walls are melting down like honey First thing off you starta giggling Pretty soon the walls are wiggling Playing with those silly sided mushrooms They will surely make you mellow Stem of blue and cap of yellow And if you’re feeling down stipe of blue and cap of brown If you’re feeling sad and bitter Need some neurotransmitter Silly sided mushrooms They will surely make you mellow Stem of blue and cap of yellow And if you’re feeling down stipe of blue and cap of brown Forty kinds of pupil dialators Plant ya now and dig ya later mother natures mood elevator Makes Pharmaceutical companies frown Grows in manure for pennies a pound Psilocybe’s the best antidepressant around stem of blue and cap of brown Find the serotonin you lack-a Growing in the caca de vaca Its that little silly sided mushroom They will surely make you mellow Stem of blue and cap of yellow And if you’re feeling down stem of blue and cap of brown Once their identity you have mastered You might find them in any cow pasture Talking about them silly sided mushrooms